The Rucilez Method Of Always Winning At Chess

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~The Rucilez Method Of Always Winning At Chess~

Chess is a wonderful game of strategy. Whether you play for competition, or just plain old fun, these rules will ensure that you’ll always come out a winner.

Rule #1: Use Psychological Warfare

–Never look at the board! Always stare directly into your opponent’s eyes with intense concentration. And match him move for move as quickly as possible. He moves, you move. Don’t stop to analyze the board. Keep the pressure on.

Rule #2: Use Threats

–Use vicious threats whenever your opponent is about to take one of your pieces. For instance, your knight is about to be taken by your opponent’s castle, you say: “If you touch that castle I’ll fucking kill you and your whole family!”

Rule #3: Invoke The Natural Disaster Clause

–This is always a last resort. If your opponent somehow takes control of the board and proceeds in putting you in risk of check-mate, simply yell out: “Earthquake!” and flip the board over. Then accuse your opponent of cheating and demand a new game.

~Disclaimer~

The author shall not be held liable for any injuries–whether they be inflicted physically, mentally, or otherwise–which may result from using these rules. It is further not recommended that both players use The Rucilez Method during the game. These rules are not sanctioned by any legitimate Chess organizations, and are not recommended for tournaments. Play Chess responsibly!

–Jesse Rucilez, Certified Chess Guru


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Thank you for reading!

JLR

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